Nv Ren Bu Huai - Women aren't bad

Nv Ren Bu Huai, Nan Ren Bu Ai (女人不坏男人不爱) - Women aren't bad, men can't love. Recently heard from a friend who was not happy with ... men. The translation in English doesn't quite convey the full meaning and judgement behind the saying but it's the best I can do. It's a great summary of the standard impression that women have of men. :) What kind of response can a man make to this kind of statement (other then a lame attempt to switch the men and women in the sentence)?

I'm trying to make sure I live my life in Beijing in such a way that I never have to hear this comment directed at me.

Going Sailing - Connection Made

The sailing race for us began in Hong Kong; which does not speak the same Pu Tong Hua language that is spoken in Beijing. While the written script is all the same (Traditional and Simplified), the spoken language is completely different.
During my visit to Hong Kong, the inability of the locals to speak Pu Tong Hua was ... infuriating! I found that I was annoyed at being in a part of China (just let me say this for argument's sake) and not being able to use the Chinese that I have worked so hard to learn. I know that I could have switched to English (with difficulty) but I wanted/expected to speak Chinese!
What did I learn? I have integrated into Local Chinese society much more than I had realized. It kind of sneaks up on you. I can manage to function in Beijing in a way that is impossible in Hong Kong. Although infuriating, I became much more aware of how easily I can move through life in Beijing with my (admittedly poor) Chinese. Sometimes you need to break a connection in order to realize how strong it has become.

When They Come ...

There are only two things that I'm sure will happen when the aliens finally land:

1. They'll eat the fat ones first
   
2. They'll look at earthling battery technology and wonder, "How did they get so far with such crappy batteries?"
   

Going Sailing : Introduction

  Another example of how great it is to live in China.  I recently participated in the China Cup International Regatta (Asia's largest regatta), as a sailor on a the Beijing Sailing Center team.  My prior experience?  2 days of sailing on a dinghy.  Why do I think this is important enough to post on the blog?  Well ... for one thing, I'm boasting and for another thing ... I'm boasting.

  I mean, how cool is that?  I get to participate in an international competition with teams from all over the world.  After the competition finished, I could call myself an "International Athlete" and put myself in the same category as Bolt (of Olympic fame).

  Despite the fact that noone on the team had ever sailed a Beneteau First 40.7, our incredible skipper (Alfie) and boss (Rick) managed to forge a team out of only 6 sailors (3 of whom were completely new to racing yachts).  More posts about our 7 days of sailing to come.  For now, here are some of the published photos from the race website that pertain to our team:

Our Skipper Alfie : So Professional ... Looking
That's my backside in front and Cuyler's rear-end in the back

• An article written about one of our team members (Cuyler) while using a picture of Alfie.  Apparently, Cuyler was not pretty enough.
• An article where we proclaim our love for China.

The Chinese Red Green Show

It seems that many of my post titles now have references to other, existing objects.  This is simply a lack of originality on my part.  This post is not about the incredibly funny Red Green Show.

I went by a workmate's computer while he was watching a stock screen.  You know these screens, they're the ones with lots of stock symbols all over and they are colored red (down) or green (up) depending on the movement of the stock price that day.  The screen had a lot of red so I just said, "Wow, looks like a bad day for the market."  He looked at me, puzzled. "What do you mean?  Everything is up today.  It's great!"

I have rarely felt so puzzled.  Would you believe that the red/green meanings are reversed in China?  Since red is the color of fortune and happiness, when stocks go up, they're red and when they go down, they're green.  I never would have figured it out myself.

I got to apply this knowledge right away.  That very night, I went to the Hong Ba in Nan Luo Gu Xiang.  Great little bar.  One their "things" is that each sitting booth is elevated 2-3 feet above the main floor.  There is a tiny "lift" for each booth to raise the patrons up to the table and seats.  

First time there, one of us got on the lift and we saw one red button and one green button.  Naturally, to go up, we pressed the green one.  Nothing happened.  After a 3 second delay (I'm not the sharpest person), I yelled, "Oh!  I know this!  Push the red one."  Sure enough, red means up and green means down.

Seeds of Change

Cue Scene:
Western Man (WM) and Chinese Girlfriend (CG) are walking hand-in-hand near around Hou Hai Lake in Beijing.  Sun is shining but near the horizon.  They are enjoying the romantic atmosphere around the lake.

CG asks WM to buy her a lotus pod.  WM looks at the lotus pods.  He decides it's the right moment to buy her a flower (or flower bud) to improve the romantic nature of the walk.

WM completes the bargaining and returns with a lotus pod.  WM is happy that he bargained the price down to 4 yuan and at the smile on CG's face.

CG and WM walk for a few more minutes in happy bliss. CG then rips apart the lotus pod and eats the seeds.

WM is shell-shocked and wondering if he should bring attention to this bizzarre behavior.  He has never had a girl eat a rose or bouquet of flowers.
:Cut Scene
-----

This scene has happened hundreds of times in Beijing (I know these WM!).  One of the many snacks you can buy near the lake is the humble (and super-tasty) lotus pod (full of edible lotus seeds).  Most westerners have never seen these lotus pods.  It's quite shocking for them to realize that the pretty flower given to a pretty girl is suddenly in the process of being consumed.

English is Hard! - Soon, recent, when?

I know I've been very lucky to have learned English as a native language (yes, even though I'm Indian; it is our native language!).  As I've spent more and more time with people who are still learning English, I am exposed to concepts that I thought were easy but really weren't.  Why are they fun to blog about?  Because it's sweet revenge for the all of the Chinese concepts that I can't grok but the Chinese this are second-nature.

Recent vs. Soon: With differing concepts of time, the idea of expressing recent vs. soon is quite difficult.  Strangely enough, the words just don't translate cleanly and this leads to lots of people saying, "I'll do that recently."  If you think that's funny, the Chinese probably hear much funnier things out of my mouth when I try to say the same sentence in Chinese.

Soon always applies to events in the future but translates as:

• 不久- not long 
• 很快 - very fast
• 早 - early

Recent always applies to events in the past:

• 最近的 - most close - must be connected to a specific instance of time (e.g. year, epoch, etc.)
• 全新世 - I have no idea about this one, don't know what it means.
• 今 - close or near

No wonder the Chinese get this wrong all the time.  It's obviously not a simple concept.  I'm beginning to the think that the english concept of soon and recent is extremely simplified and ambiguous.

The Toilet Blues

With the Olympics in Beijing, everyone expects a post about toilets.  Here's mine.  At my company, we had nice, normal white urinals of a fairly normal design.  They were the same as any urinals anywhere and they worked quite well.

I also own a lot of pants and I try to keep them neat and clean (the segue is not as jarring if you read on).  Recently, I began to notice that all my pants were starting to get a couple of small blue dots at the mid-to-lower thigh region.  I couldn't figure out where they were coming from.  They washed out just fine but I still couldn't trace the source.

Recently (as well), the company had been getting some complaints about the smell in the bathroom.  Being quite responsive, they started putting those small, blue urinal cakes in the urinals (see where I'm going with this?).  Great idea, no more smell.  Unfortunately, they didn't include the all important "urinal cake holder" that you see in the west... It's really important.

Urinals are designed to avoid splashing and spraying (especially back onto the user).  It's a solved problem.  They are designed with smooth curves and no hard corners.  Unfortunately, by adding the urinal cakes without their holders, we've now got some hard corners that seem to promote back-spatter.  Add the fact that their blue, and you've got the makings of a real problem (at least for me).  The urinal cake holders are designed to slightly elevate the cake and dissapate the force of the liquid (thus reducing the spatter that could cause problems).

I'm currently contemplating how to raise this issue to my company in the most formal manner possible without opening myself up to ridicule and shame.  It surely isn't possible that I'm the only one that's had a problem with this, is it?

P.S. - I've managed to fix the problem for myself by changing my ... uh ... behavior and positioning.

Shiny on the Outside - Opening Ceremonies

Alas, another negative comment about the opening ceremonies. :(  I just hate to do this but it really irritates me.

There was a great section of the ceremonies where a 9 year-old girl sang in front of the entire stadium.  It was great singing and it was impressive to see that from such a young person in such a high pressure setting.  Everyone was amazed.  Turns out that it was also a fabrication. *grumble*

Apparently, the little girl (7 years old) that endured to the end of the singing contests and was chosen for having the best voice and ability was axed at the last minute because she wasn't cute enough.  They replaced her with another girl (of undeniable cuteness) and in a great injustice, had the original girl's voice be the one that was broadcast throughtout the stadium (and the world). Turns out that this was just another lip-syncing effort like so many other singers in the past.

The Chinese say that they had their reasons for this but I don't agree.  Packaged performances (like movies, etc.) are known to be "constructed" to provide the best possible experience.  Live performances are invogorating and astonishing because they happen in real life.  The reality (and integrity) are part of the what makes them appealing to people.  Without that feeling of authenticity, there's no reason to enjoy these events in person.  Just give me a movie and tell me it's a movie.  Don't "pretend" you've given me authenticity.

Of course, the whole notion of authenticity may be out-dated and it's certainly not an overriding concern in China.  On a variety of levels, China operates under the assumption that if it looks the same on the outside, then it must work the same on the inside.  Much of the miracle of China is built on this assumption and rest assured, all gilded ages (and cultures) have eventually collapsed under the weight of the facades they build up.  Just because it's shiny on the outside doesn't mean it isn't rotting underneath.

Dance, Dance, Dance

No, this is not a reference to Haruki Murakami's mesmirising book.  There are things about Beijing that visitors may not see (or understand) and I want to make sure some of them come up here.  Does it mean that everything in Beijing is great? No!  But it does mean that you can fall in love with Beijing despite all of the negative things that sometimes appear.

On almost any summer night, you can go around Beijing and many of the open areas, parks or playgrounds are covered with middle-aged and elderly couples engaged in ... dance and dance.  Usually it's western ballroom dance but sometimes you can find taichi or other, more synchronized practice sessions.

As a westerner (yes, Indians are also westerners here), I didn't "get it" at first.  I appreciated it but then I asked a local about who organizes all of these dance sessions.  They looked at me strangely and didn't even understand the question.  I pressed on, "Does the government organize these sessions or the local neighborhood committees or ... who?"  The answer: The sessions are completely spontaneous, nobody organizes them!

It just happens when someone with a big jukebox (maybe with exernal speakers) runs a power line and then just starts playing music.  Someone will come and offer to lead the groups and then everyone will just start dancing.  The skill level isn't too high but ... who cares?  It's a beautiful thing to see and everyone/anyone can join in without worrying about payment or embarrassment.  People do have some "fees" to cover costs but they are so low that it makes the dancing almost free and doesn't hinder one-time visitors from just joining without thinking about it.

I have never seen something like this anywhere else.  Sure, there are sometimes outdoor dancing sessions in other cities but they are always so organized and transitory.  This is just a reflection of the desire of the local people to be outside in the evening and dance until the sun goes down.  What could be better?